Thirty one months ago, I penned these words in my personal
journal.
They are words that poured out directly from my heart and emerged straight from the deepest portion of my soul.
They are words reflecting real and raw emotions that were
swirling within our family.
We could have never imagined the full length of the road we
were just beginning to travel. The sharp
curves we would skid through tilted on two wheels and the steep cliffs we would
plummet from. If I could turn back in time
and have this conversation over again with our daughter, I wouldn't change a
word. God used His Holy Spirit to speak
through me. These were His words, not my
own.
Even in the pain, God is Sovereign. When we choose to focus on the “Why’s” of
this life’s unfairness, we are missing the big picture.
Thirty one months later.
Her eyes have witnessed medical horrors that no child should have to
see. Her heart has been shattered by a
loss that no child should ever have to experience.
Her Daddy is with Jesus…and her God is still sovereign!
{an entry from Lori’s journal
dated February 28, 2012}
“I have looked into
the tear-filled, greenish/brown eyes of a little girl as she asks me “WHY?”.
Why does her Daddy
have to have cancer?
Why does God allow
horrible diseases to attack good people, people like her Daddy who loves the
Lord?
I felt inadequate to
answer all the questions, but muttering a quick “Lord, give me wisdom”, I took
her hand and began to share with this little girl I love so much...
“God is a big God and
He can handle our questions and frustrations.
Maybe we should reconsider the question of “why”; after all, why not
us and why not daddy? What makes
us so wonderful and entitled to be exempt from illness or struggles on this
earth? Remember, this earth is not our
permanent home!
(2 Corinthians 5:1; Hebrews
13:14; John 18:36)
So if we have to ask “why?”,
maybe it should be in relation to
“WHY US, LORD?”...
Why would You choose us to love so extravagantly that You
would send Your only Son as atonement for our sins?
“WHY US, LORD?”...
Why would You choose
to lavish upon us Your mercies anew
with each morning?
“WHY US, LORD?”...
Why would You choose us to pour out Your many blessings on,
blessing too numerous to count?
We are not worthy; plain
and simple. Yet through His grace, He
gives the free gift of salvation by faith.
His blood has covered our sin and all we have to do is repent and accept.
Accept His salvation.
Accept His love.
Accept His grace.
Accept His mercy.
Accept that He is in
control in ways our minds cannot fathom.
Accept that He loves
Daddy more than we are capable of.
Accept that we serve a
perfect God while we live in an imperfect world.
These were tough words
of truth and I pray they penetrate her little 11 year old heart.
Thank You Father God,
for giving me words when I cannot formulate them on my own, and for teaching me
through the very words You give me to use as I teach my children. You are so good to us. Amen.”
People have asked how we have remained faithful to God
throughout such tragedy. The struggles
we have faced in this life and the heartache we continue to experience in the
aftermath of losing my husband; they are very real. We continue moving forward with our eyes
focused on God. Our faith is not
shaken. (You can read more about our faith here.)
Our God is Sovereign and His ways are true. (Deuteronomy 32:4; Psalm 18:30; Psalm 145:17)
We trust Him!
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