Love Has Found Me

The other half of my forever. 

It has come quickly and fiercely, yet looking back, I see God’s gentle prodding and preparing of my heart for this timing.

Five months ago I sat across from a widower in a local restaurant on our first face-to-face meeting. We instantly connected on several levels. When he spoke of his late wife, his eyes and voice changed ever so slightly. Maybe it wouldn’t have been noticeable to many; but to someone who also had a beautiful marriage...it was obvious...this was a man who loved well and was loved well.

What a gift!

If I could visit the afterlife and have a few minutes with his late wife, I would hug her tightly and say...

Thank you, Julie.
Thank you for loving him well. Thank you for raising such sweet and respectful children with him.  Thank you for the beautiful relationship you had with both extended families.

Words actually fail me when I try to describe the gift he is to me, and I fully acknowledge that YOU were instrumental in molding him into the man who stands before me. I appreciate your love affair and your forever place in his heart. I am humbled to be stepping into the lives of your children and family. You will always be honored by me. Your family will always be respected by me.

Mark and I never could have imagined that you and my late husband would only be half of our forever's; but here we are.

We know we are fortunate to have found each other; to be experiencing two "love of our life's" in a single lifetime.  I am head over heels in love with him.

I promise to love him completely. I vow to love and treat your children as though they are my own.

I prayed, oh friends how I prayed!

I was content to remain single. We were a happy family of three. I had no desire to ever date again.

I prayed daily for an entire year that if God had someone special for me in my future, he would change the desire of my heart.

He did.

It scared me.

So I prayed.

I prayed daily for an entire year for God to prepare me for my future mate and to prepare him for me.

It was another year and a half before I met him.

A man who was loved well and loves me well. A man who knows the plight of solo parenting through grief and has excelled at it.  A man who is respected in his profession and adored by his family and friends.

I admire him. I cherish him. I enjoy being his. He is the answer to three and a half years of constant prayer.

So now, I pray.

I pray God blesses and protects our relationship.

I pray God continues to mold me into the woman this man needs as his encourager and partner.

I pray I can be a safe haven for him and his children in the years to come and that he can be a positive, loving mentor in the lives of my children.

This life is full of twists and turns; crushing turmoil and unexpected blessings. We cannot escape pain and loss; but we can embrace love. God is so faithful to expand our hearts to include new love without it standing in competition or comparison with the past. I marvel at how the great loves of my life can so peacefully co-exist independently within me.

Beauty from ashes...God is good.

LIVE RIGHT NOW, Trust God Has Your Tomorrow

Even when it feels like life isn't going "as planned".

Even if you've made mistakes you can't imagine Him redeeming.

Even though you have walked through loss that seems impossible for Him to provide restoration in.
...

He has already made a path for your future. The tree has been planted. Your future needs will be met.

Learn to rest in the now, forgive the past, and have hope for the "next".

Don't waste time regretting what has been nor dreading what will be.

LIVE RIGHT NOW, EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE. Find the joy here. Trust God has your tomorrow.

 

Accepting No

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty,

for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. 

Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as the head above all. 

1 Chronicles 29:11 (ESV)

May I share a secret with you?

Sometimes I get tired of hearing the “feel good” narratives…even from the Christian community.

So often the stories told are ones of victory.  Stories where people prayed for years and God granted them their request.  I have those in my own life too; years of prayer where God eventually said, “Yes”.  Our children are a result of such prayers through years of failed adoptions and infertility.  I am grateful.  But guess what?

I also have stories of years of prayer where God said, “No”.  
Why don’t we hear more of those? 
Why are those stories not shared as beautiful tapestries of immense faith as well?

I’d love for someone to share how their life fell apart and they fought to still keep their eyes on Jesus, right in the midst of the chaos and yuck. How they don’t know the “why” and they don’t see the reason for their loss or pain.  That it doesn’t feel at all like God “chose” this outcome for the good of anyone, yet they still trust He will make good from it for eternal purposes.

I want to raise my hand and shake my head in affirmative solidarity that THIS STINKS and know that it is okay to hate the situation yet still adore God. That it is normal to have to work hard at finding the joy in all circumstances we are commanded to have; a discipline of joy rather than a natural response.

I guess I selfishly want to know someone else thinks they got totally cheated, that this isn’t fair. I want to not be handed a blanket of “it’s for the best” when I have two children in this home being raised without their daddy who was madly in love with them.

I guess my whole point to this thought pattern is…it is okay. We don’t have to have it all figured out in our accepting no from God.

Life doesn’t have to tie up in a pretty bow for it to have meaning and depth.

Our faith isn’t less than someone's who received an answer of “yes”.  As a matter of fact, having lived through both “yes’s” and “no’s”, I’d have to say in my personal case, my faith is stronger from the “no” journey than it was from the “yes”.

I recently heard a question on the radio.

“Do you believe God is in control?”

I repeated it aloud to myself. Really stopping to question, do I believe God is in control of ALL when Tim still died a horrendous death from cancer?  A death that God could have prevented, but chose not to; a death that ripped the hearts of many people (but especially the three of us) to shreds in grief…do I believe God is in control of THAT?

I turned off the radio and drove in silence.

Yes.

Yes, I do believe God is in control. I believe He has the power to do anything He desires.  He is in control but He is not a controlling God.  There is a difference.  His eye is on eternity.  He is faithful.  On this earth we are guaranteed struggles and pain.  One of their purposes is to draw us closer to Him and to direct our focus to eternity.

So here I stand, sharing my “No” story and still raising my hands in honor to the God who is in control; the Faithful One who doesn’t equate my faith with an earthly happy ending, but instead equates it with the blessing of knowing Him better.

Father God, it is extremely possible that I will never understand the "No" answers this side of heaven, but I still call upon Your name as Faithful.  Thank You that You are less concerned with my desire to have all the answers and are more concerned with my eternal relationship with You.  I trust You even when I don't like the answers.  My story is no less relevant than stories with "yes's". Amen. 

Miracles

We hear often, “God is still a God of miracles, don’t give up hope.”  And the sweet people who share these words with us mean well and are speaking truth. 

God IS still in the miracle-making business. 

He delights over His children and their genuine prayers. {2 Samuel 22:20 NLT, Proverbs 15:8 MSG}

Can God heal Tim?  YES!  Will God heal Tim?  YES!  Will that healing come on this earth?  IT STILL COULD…

…and it is okay if it doesn’t. 

This is our family’s testimony. 

That we are accepting of God’s perfect will in our lives, regardless of whether or not things work out the way we desperately long for them to.  We have prayed fervently for healing and we have believed it will come.  It has not yet, and barring a super natural, God-sized, miracle, it most likely will not occur until Tim leaves this earthly body.  Hear me now; I still believe with every fiber of my being that God can heal Tim on this earth.    

But, may I be so bold as to share something a little deeper?

Friends, as much as I want a miracle healing for my Tim here on this earth, I do not want to be blind to the miracles God IS performing in our lives while we wait for the healing to come; whether the healing is earthly or heavenly.

Do you hear me?

God has miraculously kept Tim free from the horrendous and vile pain that should be accompanying this cancer battle. 

God has miraculously kept me from having a complete nervous and mental breakdown (for reals, people…this is ONLY by the grace of God).

God has miraculously comforted our children and given them the strength and stamina to participate in life, maintain their school studies and compete in cross country.

God has miraculously limited me to a single illness over the past 20 months as I have cared for Tim!

God has miraculously given Tim and us the mental fortitude to keep doing the next right thing.

God has miraculously enabled Tim’s body to stay with us longer than the medical world anticipated.

God has sweetly and miraculously blessed us with the ability to maintain our sense of humor through this journey.  (Oh how we have so desperately needed the daily laughter to fill our home!)

God is in the miracle-making business all right, even when it isn’t THE miracle on the to-do list that we have meticulously made for Him!  Just because we don’t get what we ask for, doesn’t mean God isn’t working miracles.

Please don’t mistake our preparations for what is expected to come next as lack of faith, or us giving up hope.  Quite the opposite is true.  Our HOPE lies in Jesus Christ {Romans 8:24-30}.  He is the anchor to our souls {Hebrews 6:19}.  His promise is that He will never leave us in this journey {Deuteronomy 31:8}.        

So will you join our family in keeping our eyes open and focused on our Savior as we rejoice in the miracles He has chosen to bless us with?  We accept His perfect wisdom and discretion in His miracle making.  We are trying our hardest to not question the “Why” of it all and to REST in His peace.  We are grateful.  We are eager to see more blessings of modern day miracles as He continues to work in and through our lives.  We don’t want to miss giving thanks for a single blessing that is poured out from heaven onto us.  We like to call it having our “Blessing Goggles” on. 

Lord, our hearts desire that we may stay focused on You and Your amazing blessings and miracles regardless of what our future holds!