Solo parenting is probably the toughest part of this new life for me.
I feel the weight of the responsibility every single day.
In how I manage our home.
In how I parent the kids.
In the decision making and the grief management.
In the school overseeing and the chauffeuring.
There are no breaks, no "every other weekends". Solo parenting means just that. Solo. I'm it. I'm all they've got. It's heavy stuff.
And I don't always do it right. I mess up. I lose my temper. I forget to look to God for guidance and try to "wing it" on my own.
Sometimes even when I don't forget to go to God first, I still blow it as soon as I open my mouth.
This stretching them into adulthood while balancing the protection of their innocence, it is daunting.
Today, I am feeling ill. Groceries still had to be purchased, homework projects still had to be overseen, meals needed preparing and chores required completing. Add to all this the bills that had to be paid, children that had places to be, and my utter exhaustion (along with a nasty cough). I am tired.
Parenting was hard when there were two of us doing this job. Now there is no one to counter-balance me. Failure is not an option. I will launch these children successfully into adulthood.
God holds a special place in his heart for orphans and widows. He will see us through.
He will triumph over my failures and frustrations.
He will comfort me in my fears and loneliness.
He will fill the gaps of my mistakes.
I am trusting Him.