Grief isn't fun.
That’s probably the understatement of the year, huh? I am finding that managing this grief is sometimes even harder than the grief itself. Does that make sense? It’s all encompassing and I am the only adult in our home now. Ensuring that we each fully feel the level of grief we are in can just be too much responsibility at times.
Balancing the grief in a way that is healthy is a constant full-time job. We must keep forging ahead
because stagnant grief does not bring necessary healing;
however we are also mindful that
grief with too much momentum
can simply patch over our emotions in a way that won’t hold long-term.
Grief is unique to each individual. The kids and I are traveling the same future, missing the same person…but our grief is vastly different. I knew we would grieve individually and I openly discussed this with the kids prior to Tim’s passing, giving us all permission to travel our own road in our own way.
What I did not expect, is the reality that we are all in different places with our grief…at the same time…in the same house…
Think on that with me for a second. It is crazy difficult!
Mom may be experiencing anger while one child may be deep in the throes of sorrow and yet another is walking the joyful memory phase.
All at the same time
All in the same home
It’s exhausting. For all of us.
I long for proper healing to occur in each of our lives. I know this will take time, but if I am honest, I want to speed through the icky parts and get to the season where memories always bring sweetness and joy instead of sorrow and tears. And if I am super-duper honest, I want us to all get there together and stay there together.
Life doesn't work that way. Grief is a strange beast. It rolls in unexpectedly and rolls back out just as quickly. Just this morning I felt a tear on my cheek that I had not even been aware existed until that moment. Never felt my eyes fill.
Never felt the tear spill; just suddenly had one rolling down my cheek. I wasn't even sad, that I know of.
WEIRD, I tell you.
God promises to get us there. To that place of healing, where the pain is maybe not “less” but different. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep leaning into Him.
His love is overwhelming and it is most certainly deeper than this grief.
His love will win. I know it will!
His love is enough. Our GOD IS ENOUGH!