I love the sound of rain. I enjoy the coolness of the drops as I choose to stand under them (odd, I know, but enjoyable to me).
A light rain reminds me of teardrops. It’s like God is washing things.
Rinsing them from me. Cleansing me from the inside out. I like it.
Rain brings about change. The pansies perk up to receive its nourishment; brightly contrasting the dormancy around them.
Tears bring about change too. They can highlight the reality of grief, but they can also cleanse us from the hardship of grief’s burden and highlight the beauty still lying within. I have mentioned before that I am not much of a crier, or at least I wasn't up until the past few years.
The tears flow a bit more freely now (still not as often as I would have expected). Sometimes triggered by a sweet memory, sometimes triggered by fear and frustration; they are not limited by boundaries of appropriateness. I have surprised myself with a cry in the middle of laughter.
It is important that the kids and I give ourselves permission to cry.
As Tim would say, “it is what it is”.
It is just as equally important for us to remember that it isn't necessary to stay stuck in any phase of grief. Psalm 30:5 [MSG] “The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.” There is, of course a promise of our eternity in heaven when there will be no more tears; but how do we make this applicable to our earthly lives as well?
I say, we let the tears flow freely when they come. We embrace them and experience them fully; allowing them to wash away hurts, pains and phases of grief; enabling them to bring nourishment to our heavy souls.
This is David singing out praises to God for transforming his mourning. I love what he says in verses 11-12.
“You did it: You changed wild lament into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song; I can’t keep quiet about You God, my God,
I can’t thank you enough.”
Friends, we are going to be okay. The kids and I; we are putting one foot in front of the other, and leaning hard into God as He directs our steps. We aren't all decked out in our wildflowers just yet, but we are growing and evolving. We are learning to have fresh excitement about our futures.
We are allowing the tears, when they come, to highlight the beautiful, vibrant memories. We can’t thank God enough for the work He is doing in our transformations.
Next week would have been Tim’s 46th birthday. Another “first” milestone to cross that will undoubtedly bring fresh tears. God is already transitioning my heart into one full of joyful memories of birthdays past. The nights of crying my eyes out are giving way to days of laughter. It is such sweetness to me.
|Tim's 35th Birthday|
|Tim's 40th at Great Wolf Lodge|
(Please be in prayer with us for Tim’s parents next week. I know my grief as a widow, but I will not even begin to pretend to understand a parent’s grief when their lost child’s birthday rolls around.)
|Tim's 44th Surprise "Make-Up" Birthday|
|Tim's 45th Birthday|
Until our turn comes to be in the presence of our Lord where He will wipe away every tear and demolish death once and for all, I pray He uses our tears for healing and nourishment like a soft spring rain. May He continue creating new growth within us. To God be the glory!
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4 [ESV]