Monday, March 10, 2014

Anniversaries and Such

I made my morning coffee in my "Goofy" mug today.

The mug we brought home from our honeymoon as my souvenir all those years ago.  I used the single serve coffee pot Tim bought me.  He didn't drink coffee (he was a diet coke man), so when I asked for a Keurig for Christmas one year, all he heard was "single cup of coffee" and he somehow convinced our favorite little romantic getaway place in Texas to sell him one like was in our hotel room.  I love my Westin Wake Cup, it makes me smile every morning remembering his thoughtfulness and the effort he put into giving me a gift that was so foreign to him.  It also reminds me of our little escapes down to the warm Texas sun, a cozy hotel where we ordered chips and salsa poolside, the delicious steak house we frequented and the love we shared.  Beautiful memories.

I am grateful for our marriage and the years we spent growing and maturing both in our individual walks with Christ and in our love together.  We had a good life. Our marriage was not perfect.  We were not perfect.  We struggled through heart-wrenching difficulties over the years and we had our issues.  All marriages do.  I don't want to paint a false picture of perfection here.  I don't want to make our history something it wasn't by over-emphasizing the good times and ignoring the struggles.  We didn't always extend grace to one another.  Truthfully, we weren't always necessarily that great at loving the other in their love language.  Looking back, I see how petty our issues really were.  Oh how I would cherish the chance to properly show love to my man in his love language one more time.  May I challenge you?  If your spouse is still on this earth, don't miss your chance to show him or her the love they deserve in a way they can hear it the loudest.  Find their love language and minister to them through it, today.  It took extreme and intentional effort for Tim and I to stay connected on the deeper levels and to maintain a relationship that was more than just "surface".  We longed to have a marriage that would still be fun once the kids were grown and gone.  We tried to stay plugged into each other beyond the day to day routines. We didn't always succeed, but we were trying and
we were happy.

I miss him terribly.  He was my confidante.  He was my sounding board.  He was absolutely my closest friend.  I trusted him more than I trust any other human being on this earth.  I laughed with him more than I laugh with any other person.  I loved the sound of his laughter.  I miss the sarcastic tone of his voice and the deadpan way he could deliver a line that left the listener guessing if he was serious or joking.  Anytime I made a new friend and they met him, they would pull me aside and say "I can't tell if he is kidding."  He was almost always joking!  Such a witty man.

Tomorrow is March 11th.  This date marks 2 months since Tim passed


it is our 19th anniversary.

(Just typing that makes my heart physically ache and floods my eyes with tears.)

I am going to have to pray myself through this week


I know that God is faithful to be my Comfort and to heal my broken heart.

I am asking Him to be my EVERYTHING.

Lots of hot, fresh tears are just under the surface of my emotions and leaking out at any given moment without forewarning.  I find myself wondering, "What now, Lord?"  I knew the plans we had made for our future; but now it's just me. "How am I supposed to live out the rest of my life?  What are You wanting from me, Lord?  What does my future look like from Your perspective?"

As is His custom, God perfectly timed yesterday's sermon for me.
(I sometimes wonder if Pastor Justin ever tires of having to prepare Sunday sermons just for me. Tim and I used to tease him about that.  Hahaha  God is so good at speaking to us through our friend and pastor each week.  Such relevant topics and deep Biblical truths are shared.)

Justin taught from Colossians on knowing and doing the will of God.  He challenged us to spend the next six days asking this question: God , what should I do with YOUR life that is within ME?

So as I try to navigate this week of anniversaries, I will keep my heart and mind focused on things above and will remember that my focus should be on an authentic, growing relationship with Jesus.

When I want to curl up in a ball and cry until the tears simply stop flowing, I will; but I will do it knowing that I am curled up in the palm of my Heavenly Father's hand.  He loves me.  He has a purpose for my life; He has a purpose for His life that lives within me.     



  1. Praying for your heart. I cannot even begin to understand how you feel but know that there are people praying for you and sending you and your family lots and lots of love.

  2. Praying for the God of all Comfort to be ever present with you NOW and in the coming days. <3

  3. Prayers for you, Lori. It is still such a special day. I wondered about it before I even logged on this morning.

  4. Praying for you and your family and thanking you for all that you have taught me from reading your posts for over a year now. God Bless You and please keep teaching me........

  5. I am so deeply touched by this blog. Again, with every ounce of compassion and sympathy I have for those suffering through such loss, I am simply overwhelmed by the grief I can feel through reading your words, and I just cannot imagine the even greater depths of what your heart must be feeling. But through this sorrow I sense the joy and hope of our loving God that sustains you. It doesn't make it easier for you, but just helps you get through each day. I know it isn't of much solace to you at this point, but through you so many are hearing the messages that they need to live life to the fullest, to love their spouse, and to seek God in their marriage and daily life. I take my husband for granted many times, and it is true that learning to speak in each other's love language is a skill all of it's own. Thank you for reminding me that it isn't a choice but something we are commanded to do by God. Perhaps the marking of your anniversary can be changed to joyfully mark 19 years of love (because that never ends.)

  6. May the Lord hold you close to His heart in the shadow of His wings.

  7. Hello Lori! What a beautiful story of love and commitment. You are soooo beautiful inside and out. I am so thankful for your openness to allow us to examine our own lives and allow God's searchlight to fall upon us-for His glory, that people may see the love of God in our lives. That's what I am seeing in yours. May you experience His tender arms holding you and His huge love engulfing you. Love you!