I stand in my kitchen, unloading and re-loading the dishwasher. My heart is heavy. I am distracted from my task with a million different thoughts intermingled with prayers for loved ones that are facing yuck in this life. I mean Y-U-C-K. Memories of a conversation between Tim and me in his final weeks dance in and out of my consciousness. I can’t quite grasp hold of the exact wording and I want so much to chase it down and share it with you. Instead, I will write out the ramblings that keep bubbling to the surface.
What if we have it all wrong?
This life that we cherish and hold sacred, what if we are clinging onto the wrong thing? With every ounce of our strength, we beg for more time HERE, in THIS life, on this EARTH. What if we are wrong?
What IF we have our thinking backwards?
While this life is important and sacred, what if it isn’t what we are all about? Or at least isn’t supposed to be what we are all about? Where does eternity play into our desire to “never leave” here or our fear of death?
One of Tim’s closest friends is a wise pastor. He would say to Tim with each horrendous cancer surgery or life threatening treatment…
“Well, it’s either gonna get better or it’s gonna get a whole lot better.”
Let that sink in a bit.
God was either going to make Tim better on this earth, or He was going to heal him completely in heaven for eternity. Which one of those is really what Tim needed? Which healing mattered the most?
Our selfish human side wants death to never occur. No suffering, no separation from our loved ones. I get that. I have experienced those exact same emotions. But just go here with me for a moment…
What if we could see earthly death of a believer as God sees it?
Do you think when Tim crossed over the threshold into heaven the other saints and angels were consoling him? Was Jesus apologizing that He didn’t give Tim more time in this sin-filled, illness-infected, cruel and evil world?
Or were they all celebrating and praising God together? Were they ecstatic that Tim’s eternity could now begin? His healing had finally come to fruition, a healing that would never be erased or marred by death again.
I can’t answer the “why’s”. Why we stubbornly grasp tightly to this life that is but a vapor in the time table of eternity? [James 4:14] Why we see death as the “worst possible scenario” when we are praying for healing? Why we treasure this life in a way that ignores the picture of eternity? I can’t answer them, but I do think it is possible that we
I’m NOT saying this life is worthless or not worthy of us giving our best to the Lord. I am NOT saying that anyone fighting to stay alive should just roll over and give up. I am NOT saying any of those things, and hopefully those of you reading this have followed our family’s journey long enough to not take this post out of the context of who we are in Christ or our testimony of His faithfulness.
I am merely sharing the thoughts that swirled in our heads and captured our hearts as Tim lay in his hospice bed. And I am thinking that just maybe, if God is swirling them back into my consciousness right now…He has a reason and someone needs to hear this. I trust Him to make sense of it for you.
What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear your perspective and what God stirs up in your heart over this.