New Year’s Eve of 2015...
How is this even possible?
It is our final “first” holiday without Tim by our side.
In many ways I just want the clock to strike 12:01 so I can
declare we “survived” the first year of firsts.
But then I realize, in several days we will have to cross that one year
anniversary of his passing. And then in
a few weeks, we still have to return to our favorite family vacation spot and
hit the slopes for the first time without him.
I think maybe that will be the official threshold of our survival of the
“firsts”.
Our family of three has so many things to be thankful for
from 2014. We have so much gratitude in
our hearts for the men and women who have stepped into our lives and stood in
the gap for us. It is completely
humbling and overwhelming to sit and recall this past year. I cannot even list all the ways we have been
blessed by friends and family; I know I would inadvertently miss someone or
something. What a great problem to have,
huh?
From the two men who came and oversaw the removing of Tim’s
body from our home because I was too fearful to have that vision permanently
ingrained in my or the kid’s minds; to the help around our home with lawn care
or projector light bulb changing; youth who showed up for furniture moving
during floor repairs and anonymous gift cards arriving in the mailbox...we have
been cared for. The precious friend
whose final text to Tim was that she would keep me supplied with Dr. Pepper (a
text he never was able to read) who has faithfully showed up randomly
throughout the year with my sweet addiction treat. I mean, it is insane how the body of Christ
has intimately and intentionally loved on us.
I really am not going to continue listing, but this tiny
glimpse into a few of our blessings gives you the picture of what an amazing
group of family and friends we have.
These are the things that flood my mind as I remember 2014, the
blessings. My heart is filled with
gratitude to our amazing God for His great love. He is where our strength lies.
Was this year hard? It
has been absolutely gut-wrenching. I
would never want to paint a false picture of the depths of grief and the horror
of the deepest sorrows. Everywhere we turn;
it is obvious who is missing from our daily life. But please hear me, WITH CHRIST, joy and sorrow
can co-mingle. In His great love, we
find peace and we find comfort. Even in
the saddest times.
We are grateful and we are thankful. Tim is exactly where he is supposed to
be. In God’s great sovereignty that I
cannot always understand, He is orchestrating beauty in our lives. Tim is already experiencing the unfiltered
beauty of his Savior. We will one day
join him for eternity.
Until then, we choose joy.
We choose gratitude.
And we choose to live lives that honor God and honor our
husband/daddy’s memory.
Lori, thank you for being REAL with those of us who follow you! Your posts have touched my heart in so many ways because our family has experienced the loss of parents (mine and my husband's), our first born son, my only brother and other family members over the last several years. The comment, "...with CHRIST, joy and sorrow can co-mingle" is powerful! I've felt that PEACE that surpasses man's understanding while in the midst of the deepest sorrow I could ever imagine. Bless you and your family in 2015!
ReplyDeleteOh what compounding loss you have suffered. I am thanking God right now for pouring His peace into you. Grateful you stopped by and commented. May He continue to be your strength in 2015.
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