New Year’s Eve of 2015...
How is this even possible? It is our final “first” holiday without Tim by our side.
In many ways I just want the clock to strike 12:01 so I can declare we “survived” the first year of firsts. But then I realize, in several days we will have to cross that one year anniversary of his passing. And then in a few weeks, we still have to return to our favorite family vacation spot and hit the slopes for the first time without him. I think maybe that will be the official threshold of our survival of the “firsts”.
Our family of three has so many things to be thankful for from 2014. We have so much gratitude in our hearts for the men and women who have stepped into our lives and stood in the gap for us. It is completely humbling and overwhelming to sit and recall this past year. I cannot even list all the ways we have been blessed by friends and family; I know I would inadvertently miss someone or something. What a great problem to have, huh?
From the two men who came and oversaw the removing of Tim’s body from our home because I was too fearful to have that vision permanently ingrained in my or the kid’s minds; to the help around our home with lawn care or projector light bulb changing; youth who showed up for furniture moving during floor repairs and anonymous gift cards arriving in the mailbox...we have been cared for. The precious friend whose final text to Tim was that she would keep me supplied with Dr. Pepper (a text he never was able to read) who has faithfully showed up randomly throughout the year with my sweet addiction treat. I mean, it is insane how the body of Christ has intimately and intentionally loved on us.
I really am not going to continue listing, but this tiny glimpse into a few of our blessings gives you the picture of what an amazing group of family and friends we have.
These are the things that flood my mind as I remember 2014, the blessings. My heart is filled with gratitude to our amazing God for His great love. He is where our strength lies.
Was this year hard? It has been absolutely gut-wrenching. I would never want to paint a false picture of the depths of grief and the horror of the deepest sorrows. Everywhere we turn; it is obvious who is missing from our daily life. But please hear me, WITH CHRIST, joy and sorrow can co-mingle. In His great love, we find peace and we find comfort. Even in the saddest times.
We are grateful and we are thankful. Tim is exactly where he is supposed to be. In God’s great sovereignty that I cannot always understand, He is orchestrating beauty in our lives. Tim is already experiencing the unfiltered beauty of his Savior. We will one day join him for eternity.
Until then, we choose joy.
We choose gratitude.
And we choose to live lives that honor God and honor our husband/daddy’s memory.