Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Choosing to Remain Single (as seen on A Widow's Might)

“You are young, you will remarry.”
“You still have a lot of life left ahead of you, you will remarry.”
“You and the kids are awesome, you will remarry.”  

Honestly, hearing these comments makes me cringe.
I was married for 19 years; I know firsthand that marriage is a wonderful thing.
I was loved well.  We made a great team.
At 43, I am (God willing) merely half way through my life expectancy.  And yes, we have a pretty awesome family; we love to laugh and we have fun.
Guess what?
I am content.
I am not interested in marrying again. 
Each time I say this, I get the {smile and nod} and a comment similar to “Well, it’s early; you are still heavy in grief.”
I am going to make a bold statement here so listen carefully.
There is a difference in being content with where God has you and just getting stuck here; settling into a “victim mode” of “nothing will ever be as good as it was”. 
I am not clinging to a false remembrance of marital perfection.  Marriage is hard work.  It is a daily sacrifice of choosing to place the marital relationship as the most important earthly bond.  Life wants to get in the way and we have to be intentional in our loving of each other to build a strong, godly marriage.  I am not choosing to remain single because I am “glamorizing” my marriage into something it wasn't. 
I am contentedly living the life my Savior has allowed me to live.
I am accepting the “right here” and the “right now” and living fully in it.
Here’s the deal, ladies.  The Bible is clear on this topic.  Our marriage covenant ends upon the death of our spouse.  Widows can remarry.  It’s just that I don’t personally have any desire to share this life with a man other than my late husband.  None.  And whether friends and acquaintances are okay with this decision or not, doesn't really concern me.
What I WANT…is to be so aligned with God’s will for my life that I am able to accept His plans for my future, whether they are what I currently desire or not.
Maybe friends are correct and God will have another beautiful marriage relationship in my future.  Maybe He won’t.  I am truly okay either way, but honestly, in this moment, it is not my heart’s desire. 
So here is what I am feeling led to pray:
Lord, you know my heart.  You placed in it a deep love for my husband and you blessed us with a beautiful marriage.  To be loved by Tim for our 19 years was enough for me.  Thank you for surrounding me with friends in my life who have good intentions and are concerned for my future.  I am trusting that if You have plans for another marriage covenant in my life, You will change my heart, until then, I am content with where You have me.
If I've learned nothing else on this journey, I've learned these two things:
Life doesn't always go as planned, and God is faithful. 
He is faithful and I trust him to take me where I need to go, when I need to be there.
So when others feel the need to “encourage me” with the statement that I will marry again, I have a choice.  I can dig my heels in and argue, or I can let their words softly open a new place within me.
My initial response of defensive thoughts are slowly transforming into a perspective that has much less to do with remarrying and much more to do with the condition of my heart.
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.”  ~Psalm 32:8

Are you a widow or do you know of one?  Encouragement can be found from our team of 17 writers and speakers over on the A Widow's Might website.  You can search the site by author or topic.  

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