My eyes
flutter open. It is a rare day when no
alarm clock is needed and the morning calendar is void of events. A few months into the newness of widowhood, I
lie in bed realizing that I am different.
I ask
myself, “Who am I now?”
I’m one of
those old-fashioned girls who always wanted to be a wife and mother. There is no shame in that. I enjoyed my career too, but role of wife and
mother was my dream “job”. I thrived
being under the loving leadership of my husband.
He is gone now.
It is clear
who I am not. I was my husband’s primary
caregiver during his cancer battle. Suddenly,
I am no longer the charter and giver of all medications, the guider of his
walker as he navigates his way out of his home hospital bed, no longer the
overseer of changing his clothing, the administer of nourishment through his
feeding tube, no longer the helper for his personal care, nor the one reading
to him as his eyes fail.
As I stretch
my memory past the illness, to the beautiful years of our marriage, I find that
I have lost many other pieces of myself as well. I am without my best-friend, the Spiritual
leader of our home, my parenting partner, my lover, and my biggest fan. (Wow. That’s a huge loss in one single blink of an
eye.)
Thankfully, I
am still Mom to our two children. But
even that role has changed. I have new
responsibilities as the only parent in this home. I am the sole overseer of homework, sports
schedules, chores, and nutrition. I am
the lone chauffeur for all road trips, long or short. I am the one to guide our children,
emotionally and physically as they navigate grief and the early teen years.
It’s a lot,
to be honest; but you already know this, because you too are walking this
lonely road of the widow. Some of you
are also raising children during this transition. Some aren't, but whether we have that common
thread or not, I am guessing you feel like you've lost a chunk of who you are
also.
So much has changed.
WHO are we
now?
I have a
rule that I have implemented in my life to keep my train of thought positive
when life is topsy-turvy.
When you are unsure of something, go back to what you know is
true.
So, what is
true about who we are?
We are children
of the most high God {Acts 17:28}.
We are
forever His treasured possession {Deuteronomy 7:6}.
We are
guided by Truth {John 16:13}
We are
forgiven {Ephesians 1:7}.
We are fully
complete, strengthened in His might, lacking nothing {Colossians 1:11 &
2:10}.
We are holy
and dearly loved {Colossians 3:12}.
Losing the
role of wife has shaken me to my core.
It has left me feeling lonely, awkward and lost. Can you relate? I am so thankful that God reminds us of our
worth, regardless of what our earthly “titles” are. We are still precious and beautiful in His sight;
He wants us to see the beauty that remains within us. Let’s rest in the knowledge of who He says we are!
Lord, thank you for staying
with us right in the messy middle of our lives {Hebrews 13:5b}. This life gets ugly and it is so easy to lose
sight of our true identity. You call us
“loved”, “accepted”, and “friend”.
Wow. Remind us when we forget,
Lord. Let us feel the saturation of who
You say we are from the inside out.
Amen.
There is no
escaping the reality of being a widow; but I refuse to simply accept “widow” as
my sole title. Ladies, whether we view
the title of widow as an honor or as a curse, it is not the sum total of
who we are!
Yesterday I
shared with you who God says we are. I
am a lover of music, so today I want to share a few more titles He has given us
from the song “I Am New” by Jason Gray. I
hope these truths encourage your heart. ~Lori
You can visit aNewseason Ministries or A Widow's Might for more articles by Christian women who are navigating the rough spots of life by clicking here.
