Thursday, October 3, 2013

Where's the "Easy Button"????

Receiving the doctor’s call saying “it’s cancer” in February 2012 was hard.  Having to share the news with Tim was even harder.  Juggling the scheduling of local specialists versus MD Anderson while trying to “act normal” on our family ski vacation was difficult.  Trying to keep the stress from affecting our children was impossible.  The constant travel back and forth to Houston and eventual relocation for radiation therapy was beyond mind-boggling.  The sleepless nights, the multiple spreadsheets of medications, the exercises and the therapies were tough to manage.  Hearing the radiation did not kill the cancer was devastating.  Walking the dark months of massive surgery with multiple major complications was excruciating.  Learning the cancer had returned (and so quickly) knocked the breath out of us.  Navigating 10 rounds of intensive chemotherapy and the 13 weeks in the hospital that resulted from it were exhausting.  Watching our emergency savings dwindle away due to the mountain of medical bills has been terrifying.  Deciding enough is enough and choosing to live the final time treatment-free was brave, but still emotionally draining.  Putting the final preparations together for Tim’s Celebration of Life service is surreal.   

And now…….

We are left to experience the process of dying.  And it stinks.  And it doesn’t seem fair.  And there is no “easy” button.  When the time comes, we want an easy button for Tim to press and immediately be in the presence of God, whole again and without disease or worry.  We think he has earned this and deserves it.  It doesn’t matter what we think, the easy button does not exist and the process must be endured.  And so we walk this path with broken hearts, weary minds and crushed dreams. 

We lay it all…..

all the “hardness” of it,

at the feet of Jesus along with our crumpled, exhausted, earthly bodies. 

And He says……


He knows what it is like to face hard things {Luke 4:1-13; Matthew 27:26-31}.  He knows what it is like to suffer a death that feels unfair and undeserved (for His truly was {2 Corinthians 5:21}).  He knows what it is like to mourn for a lost loved one (He wept for his dear friend, Lazarus {John 11:35}).  He knows what it is like to wish for the “EASY” button (for He Himself asked of God for the cup to pass from Him if it was at all possible {Matthew 26:39}).

He also knows what it is like to be victorious over death {1 Corinthians 15:55}.  He knows what it is like to walk the streets of gold in heaven and to be in the presence of the Most High God {Luke 22:69; Hebrews 8:1; Psalm 110:1}.  He knows what it is like to be free from suffering {John 19:30}.  He knows and He is preparing a place for those who love and trust Him that we may also know these things for ourselves {John 14:1-3}.

Thank You, Lord, for KNOWING and for LOVING us in our difficulties.  You never fail to meet us right where we are.  You are God, YOU ARE GOOD, forever Faithful One.  Even if the healing doesn’t come on this earth, it WILL come in Your holy presence.  We are grateful that You are real and You are relatable and You are sovereign.  Although You don’t provide an “easy button”, You are true to Your promises of Scripture that You will conform us more into Your likeness when we face tribulations and remain focused on You.  Lord, our eyes are on You and when we look away, please remind us of Your presence so that we may correct our focus.  This season is HARD.  Thank You, that You know the depths of our pain, sorrow and frustration.  Thank you for Your perfect love.  Thank You, Father, for your offer of salvation through faith in Your Son, Jesus Christ.  Thank You that we don’t have to do anything or strive to be perfect enough to earn this gift, but that it is offered to us freely through Your amazing grace.  Amen.      

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