It’s been quite the week here.
After a long hiatus from time in my kitchen (and complaints
from the kids over my lack of cooking)…I returned to a place in my home that
has always been about Tim.
He made one comment early in our marriage that stuck with me
for the nearly two decades we had together.
“I travel so much for work and eat out every meal, it would
be nice when I’m in town to come home from work to a home cooked meal.”
That was all it took. One simple comment and I began
spending hours in the kitchen to make sure he had a fulfilling and
delicious meal at the end of his long workdays. He ALWAYS thanked me, and there
were only a handful of times in the following 19 years that he didn’t wash the
dishes and clean the kitchen afterwards for me.
Cooking was a way I showed appreciation and love to the man
that gave his all in providing for us. It was an act of respect and obedience
to his request as the head of our household. One simple comment from him and I
willingly shifted my desire to be taken out to eat when he was in town.
Within a year of that comment, we packed up and moved to Salt
Lake City and I was able to prepare meals for him daily, as travel was no
longer a part of his work. It brought me
joy to serve him in this simple way.
When he lost his ability to swallow during the cancer
battle, I ceased cooking. I thought it too cruel to have food aroma wafting
through our home for hours each day to torment him. I was feeding him formula through his feeding
tube every few hours and people were preparing meals for the kids and me
several times a week for me to easily serve each evening. This went on for over a year.
He died.
I returned to my beloved kitchen and began making meals from
scratch again for the kids and myself. It wasn’t the same. Grief had somehow
invaded this part of my life and besides, the kids’ schedules were so hectic
that often, I wouldn’t get home to begin preparing food until close to 9:00
pm. So I tapered off from cooking until
finally in the past few years I pretty much have been non-existent in the
kitchen.
Over the past few months, I have been open to the idea of
dating. Recently I decided I would just
say, “I don’t cook” to would-be suitors so that I could avoid the pain of ever
having to return to a chore that I no longer enjoy. Saying it out loud, coupled with the recent teasing from our kids made me realize the reason behind my dislike of
cooking.
It isn’t fun doing something that was so intricately tied to
my marriage without Tim being here. That’s just my reality. Now that I’ve been able to identify the root
of my problem, I am able to properly address it and heal from it.
Communication is critical in every relationship. Unmet
expectations can destroy happiness if we are unable to communicate our needs to
one another. Sometimes,
self-communication is equally as important for self expectations to be met.
I’m still a work in progress…every single blasted day of
this journey! Last week, I completed three homemade meals for our family (and by Wednesday to boot...I was kind of a big deal over here). Baby steps...but I'm learning more about myself and moving forward in new areas again.
