The presence of this week’s anniversary is palpable.
A simple date on a calendar that rolls by year after year;
yet it evokes such deeply emotional triggers and vivid memories.
There is no ignoring its approach.
And yet the truth is he isn’t physically here anymore. He isn’t going to be here on the 10th
and he isn’t going to be here on the 12th. So why does the 11th feel so
hard? I can’t answer that, all I know is
every fiber of my being aches in anticipation of this Wednesday. Three years.
Just, wow.
So we brace.
Emotionally, physically, spiritually…we try to anchor ourselves
down into Christ and we ride through the week doing our best and trusting that
He will fill in the gaping holes of ourselves as we put on our brave faces and
weather yet another milestone. Tears
leak a bit more, voices tremble without warning, thoughts run deep, and
memories flood us. It is part of the
journey and we are better for acknowledging the emotions as they come and
pushing through them.
I am prepared with things to do and people to spend my time
with. (Thank you to the friends who have
reached out. Thank you for remembering
him.) But more than just outward
preparation, I am spending time following Tim’s example of leaning hard into
Christ. I am choosing to praise God for
the years we had. I am turning my hearts
trembling cries into shouts of thanksgiving.
I am grateful. Blessed
with the life we had together; proud to have been his wife; honored to have
shared two decades with him; and joy filled to be rearing our children with his
example of bravery, love, and dignity.
Our God is the Forever Faithful One….Even If…